Why we need to talk about Wendy Mitchell
Why does Wendy Mitchell’s story impact all of us? Because you could easily find yourself in her position. How can you have a "good death" when assisted dying isn't an option?
The start
Before we begin, this post will discuss topics such as assisted dying, end-of-life care, and VSED. Please only read on if you are comfortable and able to.
I first learned about Wendy Mitchell from a Sky News post, with the rather eye-catching title saying she had “announced her own death”. The headline did what it was meant to do, and I read the article, leading me to her WordPress blog.
A few cups of tea, lots of reading / Googling, and a tear or two later; I knew I wanted to share her story, with a focus on the end of her story here. I would encourage you to have a read of her blog, specifically her last post; my final hug in a mug.
This Space In-between
Wendy was diagnosed with early-onset Dementia in 2014 at the age of just 58. Finding some purpose in all of this, Wendy began to write and started her blog - “Which me am I today?”. She also went on to write three books, with her last one “One Last Thing” released shortly after her death.
In the opening lines of her final blog post, Wendy shares how she died.
In the end I died simply by deciding not to eat or drink any more
Now, if you are like me, you might wonder how possible that is. The answer? Very possible and it’s called VSED - Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking.
For someone who works at the latter end of the death sector, the term VSED was new to me. Something, I am grateful that I haven’t needed to know about sooner I might add.
VSED is exactly what it says it is and the process can take anywhere from 10 to 14 days but can take much longer. Compassion in Dying says that studies have found…
…”people choosing VSED fit one of three categories: a diagnosis of early dementia; progressive, terminal illness; or severely reduced independence as a result of frailty and chronic health problems.”
For Wendy, this was her last option and therefore only choice. From her final blog post, it is clear that she would have chosen another option had it been there. She would have chosen assisted dying.
Assisted dying is illegal in the UK despite staunch efforts over the years to bring about legal change. The proposal is that adults who are terminally ill or have progressive diseases, should have autonomy over their end of life decisions; to give them the option of dying with dignity. The alternative, those in favour of assisted dying argue is an end of life filled with pain, suffering and reliance on others, or the prospect of travelling abroad alone to places where assisted dying is legalised.
The End
Regardless of what you think about assisted dying or VSED, one thing is certain; Wendy had a choice in how she left this earth. Taking autonomy while suffering a disease that forces reliance on others is an extremely powerful thing.
The question for us all is, in your last days or when your suffering outweighs the joy in living life through disease; would you want the option of choice? If you would, then Wendy encourages you to support law change for assisted dying.
As someone who has worked in Crematoria across the UK, I hope that Wendy’s story will encourage you to have conversations about death, end of life care and funerals with your family.
…dementia didn’t play the winning card – I did. - Wendy Mitchell
I for one can only hope that should I have the misfortune of a diagnosis such as Wendy’s, or when I reach my final days, I will have the fortitude to face it with the grace and dignity that Wendy did.
RIP Wendy, and I hope that your memory, life, and death will open new conversations about death and end-of-life care across the UK.
Sophie
Resources
Wendy’s Blog - “Which me am I today?”
Wendy’s last post talking about the end of her life - “My final hug in a mug”
Amazon link to all of Wendy’s books
Compassion in Dying UK release its VSED report